Roving Home

I am reading ‘Castaway’ by Lucy Irvine at the moment. It seems a fitting accompanying book to my current state of mind. One paragraph (which describes Irvine’s intention to return to the desert island – Tuin- she had survived on for many months before moving temporarily to a larger, more abundant island) struck me as it describes exactly my heart-led decision to move home. 

“Intellect was useless to me; it saw my yearning towards Tuin as illogical, lacking in sensible reason, even mad…but my heart and body had a louder voice, and because in them was a power I could still relate to, still recognise as being essentially me, I followed what they commanded me to do.”

I have been avoiding revealing my plans to move home for quite a while now. Telling people means being faced with questions as to why I would move away when I have a good job, lots of lovely friends and live in a fantastic city. The answer feels almost audaciously whimsical. I am moving because my heart has told me to.

The hardest part of starting out on the journey to loosening the ties of my conventional, independent, solvent life and embracing the possibility of living with more creativity, freedom and intention was accepting that my reasons for doing so were pertinent and legitimate. 

Listening to my intuition (which told me that moving home to discover what will fulfil and make me happy is the best possible thing to do at this juncture in my life) took a leap of faith. Choosing to take responsibility for where my life goes next feels like a big responsibility and, at times, I feel totally terrified that it is now completely down to me to make the dreams that I have decided cannot be ignored into realities. To not do so would be the biggest failing of my life. 

When self-doubt and fear of judgement or failure come to haunt me I try to remember that, through striving to understand what fulfils me and finding the things I am good at I will be better placed to build a career that benefits others and a life that I will be proud of.

I am constantly aware that I am only able to make the decision to leave my job and consider a more alternative lifestyle because I have the support of my family. I’ve realised recently, with the help of Megan’s article, that gratitude is one of the most important emotions to nurture. 

When we learn to give thanks and devote time every day to recognising the things we have to be grateful for we become more positive, kind and happy people. I also believe really strongly in being true to yourself and creating time for yourself to discover what makes you happiest. 

My sense of identity became blurred when I was in a relationship and, I realise now, I had convinced myself that my own dreams were less important than the ones I thought my partner and I shared. One of the blessings of going through a tough break up and being forced to stand on your own two feet again is the reawakening of suppressed ideas and dreams.

The most important things in life are often scary or daunting and, when I think of the future I am definitely daunted. To avoid becoming stalled by fear I am planning to focus all of my attention on the first step in the process. 

I will move home and take at least two weeks to rest and recuperate (and eat, drink and be merry over the Christmas period) before making plans for my next move. All I know about that second phase is that it won’t take place in Britain and I will be helping others. 

Thank you for the continued support of my readers. I would love to hear any stories of leaps of faith or travelling tales that anyone would like to supply!