Let's Talk about Racism

As I near the end of this baby growing journey and mentally prepare for the rite of passage that will be the birth of our baby I am also intentionally investing in the life-long journey of anti-racism.

I am sharing the following thoughts on my journey not as a way to distract or detract from the experiences of Black people or other people of colour, or to get cookies for my 'efforts', but hopefully as a way to open up conversation between white people and to share ideas of how we can dismantle white supremacy within our circles.

I first started to actively think about my own complicity in racist structures, and how I had benefited from white privilege, about two years ago. The impetus to start really interrogating my unconscious biases and how I had been harmful to Black people and other POC stemmed from being in an interracial relationship and knowing we would have mixed race children. I saw an American friend promote Layla F Saad's 'Me and White Supremacy' workbook and downloaded it whilst it was still in it's online form (it's since been published). If you don't know it the workbook is set out in 28 chapters which are designed to offer daily prompts on certain areas of white supremacy/privilege for participants to unpack. I got half way through it and, as 'life got busy' (and just as Layla suggested readers might drop out of the work) I stopped journalling using the prompts and gave up on the workbook. 

It wasn't until the news broke of George Floyd's murder and the ensuing Black Lives Matter movement came to the fore on social media did I look back at the workbook and realise that I had fallen squarely into the trap of white apathy. Because racism doesn't effect my daily life, I had found it very easy to just put 'the work' aside and forget about it again. I also realised that my whole reason for doing the work in the first place was floored - I shouldn't only care about anti-racism because it will effect my immediate family/the one me and my partner are creating but because I should care about the lives of Black people and other POC as family. My complicity in upholding racist structures, and benefiting from them, is not passive. My silence is violent and my presence is harmful to Black people if I continue to willingly cover my eyes against racism. 

For those (including myself) who claim to care about Black lives, are we talking to our friends and family about racism or do we not want to spoil 'the vibe' over cocktails? Do we care like we would care if our brother or sister had been murdered by the police, or by strangers in the street? Are we crying guilty tears when we hear about another murder or are we seeking to learn/unlearn the white supremacist lies we've been fed? Are we so comfortable in this world that's been made to support, uphold and celebrate whiteness, and feel so protective of the luxuries we've been afforded because of our whiteness, that we cannot contemplate rocking the boat even though Black people's lives are on the line?

It took reading about the murders of Breonna Taylor and Elijah McClain at the hands of the police (if you haven't read about these cases please Google them) for me to understand something fundamental that should have been obvious to me a long time ago. It doesn't matter who you are - what you're like as a person, your talents, your hobbies, your job, who you're friends with - if you are Black in the UK or the US (or other Western, white majority country) you are at constant risk. If a white person decides to call the police on a Black person or a Black family for dancing, bird watching, having a BBQ, jogging etc. etc. the consequences are likely to be catastrophic. If we think that the UK is free from this type of discrimination, Google is again the place to look to quickly see otherwise.

Realising and recognising that racism is rife in every pocket of society in the UK, and in every white British person, is just the beginning. Unfortunately many of us stumble at the first hurdle - become defensive, feel criticised, take on a victim mind set and close down the conversation before it's begun. 

My generation (and I think my parent's one too) were taught that 'colour blindness' and 'kindness' were the benchmarks of being a 'good person'. It's become common knowledge (I think!) that claiming colour blindness is a) disingenuous because we all see race and have biases and stereotypes about different races b) a denial of somebody's race which erases their experience and allows us to ignor the racism they've been subjected to. Being called out about something problematic we've done or said should be seen as a learning opportunity, rather than a slight on our 'good' character. We need to move past this identity of 'good white person' or 'good ally' as it gets in the way of being able to truly acknowledge our mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and claiming 'we didn't mean anything by it' and getting upset, defensive or shutting someone down who points something out to us (especially a Black person or POC that you've offended) is violent in itself. It forces the Black person into a 'bully' role and the white person into a 'victim' role, thus derailing the original point which was offensive.

I think the second stage of 'the work' for white people is to make the distinction between overt racism at a personal, individual level and systemic or institutional racism - and to make commitments for how to tackle both of these in our daily lives. This is definitely an ongoing process and one I am still grappling with but I've had a few ideas over the last few weeks of how to go about this (this will always be evolving, changing, and growing if we are committed to the life-long work of anti-racism). 

1. Speak out against racism when we see it day to day

I've heard so many stories from Black people that I follow on social media of times when they were being followed around shops, their IDs being requested/bags checked, dress code being enforced for them but and not white families...the list goes on and on and the reoccurring theme is that the white people in the spaces did nothing to speak out against the racism the Black people were being subjected to. Through 'Me and White Supremacy' I've realised that I have a tendency to speak up on behalf of people of colour, which is really problematic. But I see that there's a distinct difference between patronising and speaking over Black people and POC and speaking out against racism when we witness it. In majority white spaces, such as a department store full of white people and white staff where a Black family is being targeted, not speaking up to avoid confrontation is simply prioritising our comfort over the lives of Black people. In that scenario using our white privilege to put a stop to racism is imperative. This also goes for speaking out at our kids school, in the park, at our work place etc. 

2. Go 'back to school' and reeducate ourselves

Lots of people have been out buying books on the topic of anti-racism and this is all for the good in my opinion. However, it's interesting to note that the book topping the charts on many lists is 'White Fragility' by Robin Di'Angelo. I'm sure it's a good read but it's written by a white woman and so cannot teach about the lived experience of Black people. 

Whether we decolonialise our learning, learn more about how colonialism has led to the ongoing oppression of Black and other POC in the UK, understand more about how racism effects people in their day to day lives, read about Black people's joy, creativity, self-expression etc. etc. I think it's imperative that we use the learning to bring about real change in our own lives rather than only intellectualise the issue. Also it's important that we're not doing this work as a self-development practice to become better people but to truly act in support of Black lives.

3. LISTEN more than we speak and expect to make mistakes

Especially when in conversation with Black  people or other POC make listening a priority. We are being granted a teaching opportunity so treat conversations about racism as such. Avoid getting defensive if you're called out about something you did or said. Don't cite your good intentions as an excuse for the impact you've caused but instead apologise and commit to understanding where you went wrong and do better next time. 

4. Think about areas that we hold power or influence and commit to making changes there

Are you are a parent, an employee, a family member, a mentor, a governor, a consumer, a voter? We all hold power in life, whether it's through how we spend our money, where we send our kids to school, who we vote for etc. In all these circles we have the opportunity to question how the school, workplace, business, community centre, local pub is tackling racism. We can take different stances when it comes to raising these questions - 'changing hearts and minds' via face-to-face meetings, refusing to sit on panels or offer consultancy work to businesses that aren't committed to employing Black people and fighting against systemic racism, organising sit ins, committing to speaking to your children about racism (explored more in the next point)....the list goes on and on. We need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable when bringing up racism within our circles so we can hold businesses, communities and the government to account to bring about real change.

5. Make sure race is not a taboo subject with your children (and diversify your bookcases!)

It seems to me that the best place to pick out the root of racism is when it first starts to grow - when children are really small. This isn't an 'adult' subject that should be left until children are a certain age. Studies have shown that children start to show racial biases as early as 3 years old. In a society which lauds whiteness as the ideal (on the front of magazines, on TV shows, in film etc) children are effected from a very early age by stereotypes and unconscious biases. For Black children and other children of colour this is often internalised and leads to under-confidence and self-consciousness. For white children to grow in a society where they are not judged purely because of the colour of their skin and therefore have an easier passage in life, it's important for parents to make them aware of other people's experience who aren't white and ways they might cause harm to children of colour. 

I think this is made possible by talking about other people's races and nationalities, allowing children to bring up race and not shushing them or making it seem like it's rude to even mention race, always calling out racist language or behaviour, and reading lots of different books which have central characters of many different races. These books shouldn't just be about race and racism - it's important for children to read stories about children from a range of cultures, races, ethnicities and nationalities to develop their ability to understand and celebrate them.

6.  Pay Black creators, educators, business people, influencers etc.

If you've learned something from somebody (usually through social media these days) pay them for their time and energy. Most educators on SM have Patreon (or similar) pages where you can pay them. Seek out products made by Black people and other POC rather than automatically buying from white creators. Consider ways you can distribute your wealth to organisations working for racial justice or to support individuals to get scholarships, pay off debts etc. In our capitalist society the power of money, and whose hands it's in, cannot be underestimated.

7. Make a commitment plan

It's really easy to become overwhelmed and drop the ball with this work. As I said at the top of the post I let white apathy and the excuse of a 'busy life' stop me from continuing to unpack my own racism and fighting for justice. Layla Saad suggests making a commitment plan to add to and refer back to and to hold yourself accountable with. I think this is really important - it shouldn't be that we have to structure and schedule 'anti-racism time', and becoming anti-racist is about more than just tick boxes of things we've 'achieved', but consciously setting out ways in which we can unpack our privilege, use our platforms, unlearn/learn and do better can be really helpful. 

I hope this hasn't sounded like a lecture - I mainly wrote it to be accountable to myself and if its at all helpful to anyone else that is a bonus. We will all make mistakes but we cannot let the fear of that stop us from using our voices to dismantle racism. 

I came to all of this understanding by consuming a lot of education from the following sources (all via Instagram but can be found on other platforms like Patreon):

@laylafsaad

@sonyareneetaylor

@sassy_latte

@teachandtransform

@teachingwithmxt

@candicebrathwaite

@mixing.up.motherhood

@fivexmore

@rachel.cargle

@mspackyetti

@theconciouskid

@chaneensaliee

@_marslord

Ellen x